This insane, indescribable urge to watch a movie, to read and to listen to music, all at once.

Tell me, is numbness some sort of a fluid? Because i could have sworn my system is overdosed with it, i can feel the fluid, spreading its venom, circulating my system, freezing everything that is on the inside. I feel heavy. Gravity is conspiring against me this time, dragging me down, into the ground.

Staring at scripted-conversations, facial expressions, their lips are moving rapidly, but i can't hear a thing for they are drowned in the music that i put on, simultaneously. That way, everyone in the movie are singing. Even when they are sad. I guess that makes me feel less sorrowful.

Disorientating, but a self-inflicted disorientation. 

I feel in control. 

I need to be in control.